Day 1...............The fear.

[D]

I started today not expecting much but to just go to work, get some stuff done, and mindlessly cross off another mediocre day from my life. I don't know when my life became so uneventful and completely stagnant. I used to have so much to look forward too. I used to have dreams that I believed in. Now I just try and get to Friday with as little effort as possible.

I was surprised by a phone call from my ex bf that he had some news for me. Now if you have followed me before the EX was the love of my life. My other half. He and I started seeing each other on and off for the past 6 months. I miss him and how we used to be. But I have also forged new relationships. I have had a new boyfriend for the past 8 months and have learned to be happy with someone else. Though I don't know how much of it is me settling or me really being HAPPY......Anyhow.

Clinton the EX called and said he had 2 things to tell me one good, and one bad. He asked what I wanted first...? I said give me the bad. He told me that his grandmother died. I am completely sad about this because she was my grandma too. We spent 5+ years together and in that time I became part of the family. So I then asked for the good news. He replied that he was moving to NYC in 2 weeks......

I am sorry I may be selfish but this was NOT good news. I was crushed. My heart broke right then all over again. That was OUR dream. We were supposed to do it together. We were supposed to have our life there. And now he was doing it without me. He was leaving me all over again. I just started crying and became upset. I felt abandoned by him and hurt that he dare do this without me. I know that it is wrong. I know that I should be happy for him. BUT I AM NOT! I want to go back and have our life again. I have not been fully available to the ex or the new bf because I have been afraid to make a decision, or commitment. I have only given half of myself. I feel like I cannot move or do anything anymore. I am afraid of every decision. I am afraid of life in general. HOW DID I GET HERE?

So after giving Clinton a guilt trip and talking with him and feeling sorry for myself I decided that I AM DOING ME NOW! I AM HERE FOR MY DREAMS! I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY! This season I am starting is to FINALLY BE HAPPY!!!!!! Go where I want to go. Be who I want to be. Feel apart of life again! I thought that I was getting over Clinton, but this made me realize that I am far from it. I love him, and have loved him for so long that I have taken it for granted. I want to be part of something real again. I don't want to pretend. I don't want to live day to day just getting by. I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!!!

So here I am, AGAIN. Trying to find my path. Trying to make my dreams a reality. Making myself stand on my own two feet. Beginning this journey again. BUT THIS TIME I WILL COMPLETE IT! I have never completed a season. I have never given anything 100% and I need to make that happen. NO MORE EXCUSES. ONLY RESULTS!

So here I am DEDE VITRANO, STANDING UP AND LIVING FOR ME! LIVING REALITY, MAKING PROGRESS, MAKING CHANGES, MAKING A DIFFERENCE, CREATING HAPPINESS, CREATING LIFE!

I AM REBORN, STARTING TODAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

LOVE

[J.J.]

Happy birthday and go for IT !!!

[Pankaj Roy]

Thanks for your blog. You felt lonely & upset and I can feel your emotions because we all go through similar phase through some time in our life.
You dared to restart your life & Goals with new enthusiasm and Its very inspiring.
I myself hadn't completed even session one. So you inspire me to start the 100 days challenge once more.
Do keep posting your success and achievemnts. Thanks again. Here is your friend and well wisher from India- Pankaj Roy

[Kay]

Happy birthday suga! :)

1st of all, welcome, welcome and I wish you much success on your journey!!! :)

2ndly, you can go and live in NY too. Maybe its not happening right now. But it can still happen for you!!!

Thats right take back your life and start living for you and in the NOW!!!

xxx

[Aleksandra]

http://www.cocreatingourreality.com/video/wills-wisdom

[Aleksandra]

Happy Birthday! and welcome on your new path!
Such situations are helpful to us to grow - ''growing pains''
Practice afformations and 'Rewrite your life'' it really helps
Decide that you WILL be happy
Happiness is a DECISION
I DECIDE to be happy
Do not victimize yourself
Life is interesting and people are interesting
The success is ATTITUDE
When I go to work I think: Mirracles happen here! Every person IS interesing!
I wish you a 'Happy Birthday' you are coming in this world in pains............but do not worry , they will disappear