Day 1 Season 2
OK I never finished season one. I honestly need to sit down and go over what really happened specifically but I do know that I had lots of negtivity in my life seem to overwhelm me the more happy and positive I became. I allowed it to influence me instead of using it to move forward.
Sadly I have family that is so negative and down and the happier I am the more negative they are. I think they are very uncomfortable around joy and happiness because it is missing from there lives so they feel better when they bring me down. I am disappointed and upset with myself and I stopped coming here because i was so mad at myself and embarressed. Now I realize that that was a huge mistake. If I had blogged about it or videoed about it i would have gotten positive support to continue even in the face of the negative people in my life. I am glad I am back and this time I intend to finish what I begin today.
My intentions are the same as before. I intend to manifest them this time and completly change my life. I cannot go on the way things are right now. I may have some tough decisions ahead about limiting contact with certain people at least untill I am stronger.
if I am also angry with myself! If I had stuck by this I would be in a much better place now. i am having a hard time being kind to myself for screwing up! I know that its just making things worse....
I am glad this place is here and I need to accept and embrace the support thats here instead of running away from it....
I also want to add that this is a pattern for me I need to break and i need to do it now!! In my family we were only allowed to show happy feelings everything else was bad..I had to be perfect ..I feel very very vulnerable and scared when I think of sharing my sad angry frustrated feelings...but hiding them does not achieve anything. I want to write them here and release them. I want to learn that its ok to feel the whole range of emotions...feel them..acknowledge what they are telling me and then release them. I have a feeling that that sould be a primary focus these next 100 days..to face that fear in a supportive enviornment..im scared...
update: Wow I just read someone else having similar problems and one of the comments was that you grow what you focus on!!!geez yes i was focusing on how neagtive he was and how I was haveing trouble staying positive and you know what !!!! thats exactly what I got ..a whole lot more negativity and sabatoge lol.....oh my..I have a lot to learn....I need to reach out here more so that I can get some perspective. i always feel like I should figre things out on my own...
Sadly I have family that is so negative and down and the happier I am the more negative they are. I think they are very uncomfortable around joy and happiness because it is missing from there lives so they feel better when they bring me down. I am disappointed and upset with myself and I stopped coming here because i was so mad at myself and embarressed. Now I realize that that was a huge mistake. If I had blogged about it or videoed about it i would have gotten positive support to continue even in the face of the negative people in my life. I am glad I am back and this time I intend to finish what I begin today.
My intentions are the same as before. I intend to manifest them this time and completly change my life. I cannot go on the way things are right now. I may have some tough decisions ahead about limiting contact with certain people at least untill I am stronger.
if I am also angry with myself! If I had stuck by this I would be in a much better place now. i am having a hard time being kind to myself for screwing up! I know that its just making things worse....
I am glad this place is here and I need to accept and embrace the support thats here instead of running away from it....
I also want to add that this is a pattern for me I need to break and i need to do it now!! In my family we were only allowed to show happy feelings everything else was bad..I had to be perfect ..I feel very very vulnerable and scared when I think of sharing my sad angry frustrated feelings...but hiding them does not achieve anything. I want to write them here and release them. I want to learn that its ok to feel the whole range of emotions...feel them..acknowledge what they are telling me and then release them. I have a feeling that that sould be a primary focus these next 100 days..to face that fear in a supportive enviornment..im scared...
update: Wow I just read someone else having similar problems and one of the comments was that you grow what you focus on!!!geez yes i was focusing on how neagtive he was and how I was haveing trouble staying positive and you know what !!!! thats exactly what I got ..a whole lot more negativity and sabatoge lol.....oh my..I have a lot to learn....I need to reach out here more so that I can get some perspective. i always feel like I should figre things out on my own...
Comment
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Comment by Yolanda on January 22, 2009 at 2:49pm - I support you on your journey. Happy Day 1! I'm on Day 7, S2 so we will be on this journey together. I look forward to hearing more about you.
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