Day 21 - Equinox, Rehab & Progress

[Lisa]

Today's such a good day! The forecast was for rain (I live near Seattle), and it's SUNNY! HA!

Lots has been going on this week. I'm heading into the home stretch of my last two of three classes at Axia (International Business & Economics - bleah...) and looking forward to receiving my first degree on June 15, before moving on to Antioch. I've been playing with some ideas about office space, wondering if an hourly sublet is the way to go, or if some other option will present itself. The sooner I get that figured out, the sooner I'll be able to start seeing clients. I've been cleaning out some of my house-clutter, too, and am looking forward to really making a dent this weekend. Spring has sprung!

A pretty consuming thing I've been handling is a conflict with a friend. Oh my gosh, it's so messy sometimes. I figured out which of my old family buttons were getting pushed, and she did, too. It's one thing to know intellectually that "big" reactions are always about more than what's going on in front of you, but when you're the one in the midst of all that emotion, it can be tough to see it. And she and I were both doing that. Things are patched up now, and I'm really grateful for the opportunity to learn, but I'm also still recovering. Releasing deep emotion can feel like really getting the wind knocked out of me.

One thing I'll be doing differently is setting better boundaries. I grew up to be a "nice girl", which for me translates to "no,-really,-stick-another-pin-in-me;-I-know-you-don't-mean-to-hurt-me,-plus,-I'm-tough-and-I-can-take-it." And when I get that way, I actually think I'm doing a good thing! No, Lisa dear, no, no, no...! So I'm challenging myself to work on boundaries. I'm imagining scenarios in my head and saying my responses out loud: "No, actually, I do mind." "That felt a bit insulting. Is that what you meant?" "Hey, calling what I say 'stupid' is not okay with me!" My cat thinks all this talking to no one is a bit crazy, but she's getting used to it...

I also shifted into a different eating pattern a couple days ago. I felt that inner "click", which means I'm on the right track. Maybe I had to release some emotional stuff before I could release unhealthy food? Hmm... Well, for now I'm not putting limits on what I'm eating, but I have cut out all the chocolate and junky stuff, which is a big deal for me. I'm sure there's some physical difference already, but what I'm noticing most is the difference in how I feel about myself. The Voice of Resounding Shame isn't there! Instead, I'm throwing my shoulders back and standing up straighter because I know I'm doing good things. I picked a good time to do this, too—springtime, when the fresh fruits start to come back... Strawberries, grapes, peaches, oh yum!

So, this is what happens when the pot gets stirred and I try to change things. All that junk comes up—big pieces of history and muck breaking off so I can sieve them out and toss them, and move as much as I can OUT of my system. Every grain of sand I release is a victory. Onward!

[PJ]

I too enjoyed the sunny surprise we got in the greater Seattle region :-) I don't handle conflicts well either but A New Earth is really helping me deal with this better. PJ

[Jen L]

BRAVO to you!! Also wanted to say, the photo caught my eye to this entry, it's gorgeous!