Season 1: Day 12 "Joy and Pain"
Today, I am just feeling overcome with gratitude. I need to blog to relieve myself all the many thoughts that are in my head. I had forgotten a few wonderful things that happened on Days 10 and 11. When my friend and I went to dinner, we both got fortune cookies that spoke of having true friendship. We laughed at the irony and both saved the fortunes. I received money on Day 10 as two people paid me back money I'd loaned them and when I went to dinner at my mom's, I came home with a borrowed dress from my little sister (lol) and a free bottle of champagne. Gosh, life is sweet!
I am so grateful for so many things. I love when I get this feeling. I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to cry tears of joy.I still have the chance to tell those that I love that I love them today. What a blessing! It's Sunday and I am reminded that God loves me SO MUCH that He gave His ONLY Son for the sins of little old me so that I might be forgiven. And in spite of that, I believe He still lets me come back and get another chance to do it right. What a wonderful world we live in that I can believe whatever I want and say it boldly for the entire world to see connected through these tubes called the innanets, lol. It's all so grand.
I never thought I'd be grateful for pain, but I am. If I had never experienced pain, how would I know the true elation and gratitude that comes with joy. If my body never felt pain and agony, would I be grateful for the blessing that is good health, agile mobility and endurance? If I'd never been what I consider overweight, would I be as grateful now to be as thin and svelte as I am? :) If I had never experienced the depths of depression or the heights of hypomania, then how could I be grateful for my 'normal'? lol. Who am I kidding, hypo is my normal and I am grateful for that too. I am grateful for my bipolar disorder. I know that it is not a weakness, but rather one of my strengths. I am stronger than most to have endured the rollercoaster that is this disease. My creativity and since of intuition is heightened because I don't feel like most. I know it's part of my calling to help rid the world of the stigma associated with mental illness, particularly around being a beeper. It hasn't become clear to me how yet, but it will find me. Until then, I'm learning more about living with the disorder and being an advocate. Again, I say, what a blessing.
I am grateful to be out of my last relationship. It was an amazing four years and I will love him forever. However, if my relationship ended, it CLEARLY was not aligned with my current intentions. I couldn't name how many times I openly stated, "I want to be single." Now I have exactly what my heart said it wanted. Although it may not have happened on my terms, I am grateful because now I am free to find the love that was meant for me. So is he and that's another thing I am grateful for. He truly is a wonderful man and the man he is growing into is even greater. But he is not the man for me and I hope he finds happiness with the woman that is meant for him. I am grateful for the things I learned from my mistakes in our relationship. I am grateful for the things I learned from his mistakes in our relationship. I grateful for the years we lived together in bliss. I am grateful for having my best friend as my boyfriend for four years. I am grateful for our new relationship that is developing in this context. We are truly friends and it warms my heart to know that our philos love can endure this breakup. I am grateful for the times we traveled and saw new places together. I am grateful that he supported me through the deepest and darkest depression I'd ever experienced. I am grateful that he allowed me to explore everything I questioned about myself. I am grateful to have ever known the type of love we experienced and grateful that he let me go. Whew! That felt so good.
I am grateful for death and God's comfort during grief. One never knows when we are to be called home or to another life. However, its a part of life and must be accepted. The recent death of a friend introduced me to sides of him I'd never known in life and I wish I had. However, through his death, he's taught me so much about how I want to love and life my life. He did not live for attainment, but rather enjoyment and to please the Lord. With each day, he saught to fill it with joy and giving back to others. When I saw his vision board, I felt a connection that I'd never known with him in life. I regret that, but he's taught me to live without regrets. It reminded me of all of those I'd lost before, and made me think about whether I was truly showing those that I care about that I felt that way. Each day is a gift, treasure it and those you love.
I am grateful for my home, my car, and my job. I am grateful for home manicures and pedicures because they help me save money. I am grateful for The Colbert Report. I am grateful for Comedy Central. Right now, I'm just grateful for everything around me. When I feel this way, I almost feel like I can feel the future. Like I know that everything I want is right around the corner. I've often described it as a sign on the highway saying "X miles til destination". I feel like "Wow? Only X more miles to go. Better keep trucking." This feeling combined with mini manifestations are definitely my highway signs. And if you knew you only had X more miles to go, wouldn't you just press on the gas a little harder? Does it really matter what X is if you know you will eventually arrive? Nope. Not at all.
So since I only have X more miles to go, I am going to be grateful and thankful now for my new career as a middle school math teacher in a school close to my home. I am now thankful and grateful for my good grades as a graduate student. I am now thankful and grateful for my new look that has boosted my self estage and self image. Who knew I could love me even more. I am now thankful and grateful for the fabulous bridal shower and bachelorette party I've thrown for my friend. Her wedding was even better! I am now thankful and grateful for the money that flows into my hands and my account daily. I am now thankful and grateful to be dating my new boyfriend who is everything on my list and more! This or something better now manifests for me in totally satisfying and harmonious ways for the greater good of all concerned. And only X more miles to go :) ....(to be continued)
I am so grateful for so many things. I love when I get this feeling. I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to cry tears of joy.I still have the chance to tell those that I love that I love them today. What a blessing! It's Sunday and I am reminded that God loves me SO MUCH that He gave His ONLY Son for the sins of little old me so that I might be forgiven. And in spite of that, I believe He still lets me come back and get another chance to do it right. What a wonderful world we live in that I can believe whatever I want and say it boldly for the entire world to see connected through these tubes called the innanets, lol. It's all so grand.
I never thought I'd be grateful for pain, but I am. If I had never experienced pain, how would I know the true elation and gratitude that comes with joy. If my body never felt pain and agony, would I be grateful for the blessing that is good health, agile mobility and endurance? If I'd never been what I consider overweight, would I be as grateful now to be as thin and svelte as I am? :) If I had never experienced the depths of depression or the heights of hypomania, then how could I be grateful for my 'normal'? lol. Who am I kidding, hypo is my normal and I am grateful for that too. I am grateful for my bipolar disorder. I know that it is not a weakness, but rather one of my strengths. I am stronger than most to have endured the rollercoaster that is this disease. My creativity and since of intuition is heightened because I don't feel like most. I know it's part of my calling to help rid the world of the stigma associated with mental illness, particularly around being a beeper. It hasn't become clear to me how yet, but it will find me. Until then, I'm learning more about living with the disorder and being an advocate. Again, I say, what a blessing.
I am grateful to be out of my last relationship. It was an amazing four years and I will love him forever. However, if my relationship ended, it CLEARLY was not aligned with my current intentions. I couldn't name how many times I openly stated, "I want to be single." Now I have exactly what my heart said it wanted. Although it may not have happened on my terms, I am grateful because now I am free to find the love that was meant for me. So is he and that's another thing I am grateful for. He truly is a wonderful man and the man he is growing into is even greater. But he is not the man for me and I hope he finds happiness with the woman that is meant for him. I am grateful for the things I learned from my mistakes in our relationship. I am grateful for the things I learned from his mistakes in our relationship. I grateful for the years we lived together in bliss. I am grateful for having my best friend as my boyfriend for four years. I am grateful for our new relationship that is developing in this context. We are truly friends and it warms my heart to know that our philos love can endure this breakup. I am grateful for the times we traveled and saw new places together. I am grateful that he supported me through the deepest and darkest depression I'd ever experienced. I am grateful that he allowed me to explore everything I questioned about myself. I am grateful to have ever known the type of love we experienced and grateful that he let me go. Whew! That felt so good.
I am grateful for death and God's comfort during grief. One never knows when we are to be called home or to another life. However, its a part of life and must be accepted. The recent death of a friend introduced me to sides of him I'd never known in life and I wish I had. However, through his death, he's taught me so much about how I want to love and life my life. He did not live for attainment, but rather enjoyment and to please the Lord. With each day, he saught to fill it with joy and giving back to others. When I saw his vision board, I felt a connection that I'd never known with him in life. I regret that, but he's taught me to live without regrets. It reminded me of all of those I'd lost before, and made me think about whether I was truly showing those that I care about that I felt that way. Each day is a gift, treasure it and those you love.
I am grateful for my home, my car, and my job. I am grateful for home manicures and pedicures because they help me save money. I am grateful for The Colbert Report. I am grateful for Comedy Central. Right now, I'm just grateful for everything around me. When I feel this way, I almost feel like I can feel the future. Like I know that everything I want is right around the corner. I've often described it as a sign on the highway saying "X miles til destination". I feel like "Wow? Only X more miles to go. Better keep trucking." This feeling combined with mini manifestations are definitely my highway signs. And if you knew you only had X more miles to go, wouldn't you just press on the gas a little harder? Does it really matter what X is if you know you will eventually arrive? Nope. Not at all.
So since I only have X more miles to go, I am going to be grateful and thankful now for my new career as a middle school math teacher in a school close to my home. I am now thankful and grateful for my good grades as a graduate student. I am now thankful and grateful for my new look that has boosted my self estage and self image. Who knew I could love me even more. I am now thankful and grateful for the fabulous bridal shower and bachelorette party I've thrown for my friend. Her wedding was even better! I am now thankful and grateful for the money that flows into my hands and my account daily. I am now thankful and grateful to be dating my new boyfriend who is everything on my list and more! This or something better now manifests for me in totally satisfying and harmonious ways for the greater good of all concerned. And only X more miles to go :) ....(to be continued)
Comment
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Comment by Elaine on October 12, 2008 at 10:46am -
Awesome. We have a lot in common and it was nice reading how well you talk to yourself about your life. I will apply this x miles to go idea to my own way of thinking.
I always hold the image in my head of the desired manifestation being just beyond the horizon line when things appear to be darkest.
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