season 1, day 29 (?) OY VEY.

[Darrah]

I'm feeling a little off today.
I'm with my sister, in GA- got here Wednesday afternoon and I can't help but feel a little down. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister. I love her family and it means the WORLD to me that I can help her right now when she needs it (she's 8 months pregnant with baby #4) But it's been hard for me to be back here around the kids, hard for me to be back in the south knowing that it's not a permanent thing- and at the same time, hard for me to be away from this life I've been recreating for myself at home, too.

All this and it's hard here, to focus on intentions and affirmations and that kind of thing- because I'm running around helping her, or playing with the kids, or whatever. I'm really struggling with FOOD here, and keeping with my intention to eat well. I've over-indulged from the moment I arrived.

Even more, it's hard to create your own reality, when you're not exactly sure what it is that you want in the first place.
I just want things to be a little bit more clear. I don't even have a return ticket, because I'm planning on staying here until I need to be home for an interview or if I get a phone call about a job (I was supposed to hear back this week from the interview I had 3 weeks ago, but I haven't yet...so I don't know what that means) And harder still is that I've been seeing someone at home and it's hard to be away from him when at the same time, I've spent SO MUCH of my time with him recently. The break is welcome, and I know I need this time, but it's early enough in our "relationship" that I am concerned- and going in a vicious cycle because I am trying not TO BE concerned.

I am 110% overly analytical of EVERYTHING. I recognize this. Does anyone have a good affirmation that I can use when I'm clearly over-thinking things and starting to worry about them?

To swing this back in the other direction, I've been thinking about simple pleasures that make me smile, or giggle, or just in general really happy and proud and positive. Here are a few.
-the love I get from my nieces and nephew. It's overwhelming and unconditional.
-baby feet! the smaller, the better. I'm waiting on that newborn!
-library books
-cold, cold water
-the amazing things my body is capable of: carrying me up HUGE hills in my sister's neighborhood. Sight. touch. powering a car. wow.
-missing someone- and recognizing that having people worth missing is a blessing in itself.
-the color pink
-Clemson football
-lipgloss
-the song Walkin in Memphis (preferably any version other than Cher's.)

[Alix Fateh Mathias]

I recently returned from 2.5 weeks with family...all the family. It was wonderful in many ways however - I was maintaining a disciplined practice of exercise, meditations, yoga, affirmations, reading and journaling 3-4 hours a day and I felt I was just keeping my head above the vibrational waters - so to speak. Being with family while letting go of our old roles and character and habitual behaviours is very difficult for all but the most evolved or practiced of us. Bringing the co-creator self into the family setting is a great feat. Go easy on yourself. Have compassion for yourself - you are in the vibrational Olympics when you are with the very people that helped create your old ways of being.

About thinking too much. Thinking can only be in the past or future. We don't think about the present. So affirmations such as "I keep my consciousness in the now.", "I am living fully in the present." "All my power arises from living in the current moment." or write one that is more in your language. Thinking about the future is worry and thinking about the past is regret. Other useful affirmations are "I live in the flow of life - all is being taken care of".

Peace to you.

[Sally]

Hi Darrah, I believe that you need to make an appointment with yourself and have some quality you time ..........and stick to it!!! Your sister won't mind if you have an hour or two to yourself..........she can cover for you..........then perhaps she can have her turn. I am confident you will find your way again and things will become clearer when you get a rest in...........I would just re-affirm all the things/feelings I want in my life and only allow positive thoughts......positive attracts positive......you know all of that.....sometimes we just need to hear someone else say it to get back on track again............Make sure you make that appointment!

Sal:)