DAY 29 How are the intentions coming?

[dreamer]

I actually planned to post on Day 25, since it is the 1/4 point of the Challenge, but just wasn't up to blogging then as I was going through a very difficult time a few days ago. This mental house cleaning can be tough, and some painful things were weighing heavily on me.

I was exhausted last Sunday, and thought I would just sit and play a mindless computer game since I was unable to sleep. At some point, while playing the game, I realized I was crying. I just broke down. This went on for about 45 minutes, and then I decided I’d had enough. I decided to distract myself by cleaning my kitchen. It worked, and the nice side-benefit is that my kitchen sparkled. However, that was just temporary.

I hit my lowest point on Tuesday, and just kept breaking down into tears. I was in a lot of physical pain on Tuesday. My whole body just hurt for no apparent reason. After my last breakdown of the day, I realized the pain was subsiding. I had to wonder if it was emotional pain, manifesting as physical pain. Thankfully, I seem to have gotten things out of my system, and have been feeling much better for the last three days. I debated whether to post about this, but I want to be honest about my “journey” here.

With that being said, I thought I would post about what has happened so far in each area where I had intentions. I’m not keeping score, mind you. I’m not looking at what hasn’t happened, but I think it’s a good idea to focus on what has happened.

As for following the McKenna system, I feel I have made progress in healing my relationship with food. I went through some serious emotional upheaval this past week, and didn’t turn to food once. However, I still have work to do. I also struggled a few days with my appetite, as it just disappeared. I really had to pay close attention to make sure that I wasn’t starving myself. I think I did fine with that. I have lost weight during the challenge, but don’t feel comfortable disclosing the amount. I don’t want to put pressure on myself with a number. Maybe I’ll feel okay with posting it at a later date.

As for becoming more fit and healthy, I have been moving around more, but have struggled with a knee injury that occurred early in the challenge that keeps me from doing all that I would like. I have been feeling more energetic, which makes that even more frustrating! I am upping my physical activity more and more, while avoiding things that might stress my knee at the moment.

I have been reading and studying more about the LOA. I think I’ve been having a few breakthroughs in my understanding on a deeper level. I recently started on a new book called "Feel It Real!” and have found it to be helpful in getting a bit deeper into the emotional part of attracting my desires. I have been examining some of my dreams, old and new, in the context of what feelings I believe they would bring into my experience. Perhaps we should focus on those feelings we desire, rather than the dreams themselves.

I have had some evidence of abundance. I had a small, unexpected sum of money drop into my lap a couple of weeks ago. I also came home from KFC with a 10-piece bucket of chicken that felt really heavy. It had 19 pieces. No wonder that thing felt so heavy! I also found out my partners voted to give me a raise about a week ago. Great, right?! Yes, absolutely. But it also had another side effect. It made me realize I have some resistance to work out in this area. I’ll probably talk about that in another post.

I have been filling out my gratitude journal most nights. I did skip the night when I was at my lowest, simply because I just couldn’t get to a grateful place. It was too far way, given my emotional state. But it has been a nice experience remembering to be grateful about all of my blessings. I’m even grateful for my gratitude journal. My dear friend Cindy made it and sent it to me at the beginning of this year, and it feels very special to me.

The last area I set intentions for during the 100 Day Challenge is in the area of relationships. I have already talked about how my long-lost cousin showed up from out of state, and the nice evening we spent together getting reacquainted after not seeing each other for 20 years. My other friendship I have talked about continues to heal. I’ve talked to my friend by phone many times now, and in fact, he just called again yesterday. The strain and tension that used to be behind our interactions seems to have disappeared, and things feel much more comfortable.

So, that’s each intention, in a nutshell. I feel like things are going well, and I feel good about them. Participating in this challenge has also helped me gain some self-knowledge, and I have also identified some areas of resistance that need to be addressed. I think it has helped me discover this much sooner than I would have, so I’m very grateful for that.

Until next time,

Dreamer