Have you applied The Work in your life recently?

[Sofia Bustamante]

Perhaps you would like to share the experience, and the impact it had.

Yesterday I was in conflict with someone. I realised, as we tried to talk it out, that we were both effectively doing the same thing that we were both complaining about - being intolerant when the other one is a little grumpy. Either of us could end the tension by simply choosing to be tolerant in that moment. We were both waiting for the other one to do so. We gave up - demoralised by the fact that the other one would not.

I sat there and then decided to question the thought that I was having "he should end it" and when i questioned the thought, I realised that I could not believe this to be absolutely true.

I felt a real liberation! I am sitting here with no anxiety about the idea that - what if this situation comes up again - what if it is always me being tolerant (and that is not always the case - but see what my mind was doing to me!) Again, because I realise I can always choose to be tolerant I don't need to worry about what he should do. its is relief on all sides.

It may sound simplistic but then the basic truth of this for me is so simple. I do want to use every chance that I have to be more tolerant - and also this applies to when I perceive him to be intolerant!

[Emha]

I thought I might give an example of an exercise I did last summer:

THE STORY OF WHAT IS:
I hate it that my neighbors are a nuisance. They are very noisy, the parents as well as the kids. In the weekends they let their children play in the garden very early in the morning when my family wants to sleep late. We wake up from the noise of arguing children and screaming parents. I hate the way these parents boss their children around, I think it is abusive. Today they were very inconsiderate when they lit up their outdoor fireplace while the wind was blowing our way. I had to shut all the doors and windows to keep the smoke out. And I had to quickly take my laundry in that was outside to dry. It has been a very hot day and we were hoping to let the cool evening air cool down the temperature in our house.

SUMMARY STATEMENT: Neighbors should not be a nuisance!

Step 1: IS IT TRUE that neighbors should not be a nuisance?
YES of course that is true! Everybody knows that.

Step 2: BASED ON REALITY (Abraham would say: being where you are), IS IT TRUE that neighbors should not be a nuisance?
Well they are, so I guess…… neighbors are annoying from time to time (I can hear Byron Katie say: It’s their job!)

Step 3: WHO AM I WITH THIS THOUGHT that neighbors should not be a nuisance:
I am angry and outraged when they do these things. I am frustrated when their yelling and screaming and crying keeps me away from my own garden when I would very much like to sit in the sun and relax with a book and a cool glass of lemonade. I am outraged when I have to close my doors and windows to keep the smoke from their fireplace outside on the evening of a very hot day, when I would very much like to let some cool air in. I avoid running in to my neighbors in the street because I do not like them. My whole family doesn’t like them so we accumulate our outrage by complaining about our neighbors amongst each other.

Step 4: WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS THOUGHT that neighbors should not be a nuisance:
I would be more relaxed. I would be able to be friendly with my neighbors and perhaps offer some help in raising their oldest daughter. They are obviously having a hard time handling her. The girl’s behavior reminds me a lot of the behavior of my own son (who has Autism) when he was her age. In the behavior of the parents I recognize my own feelings of powerlessness at that time. Without this thought I would loosen up and have more of a ‘give and take’ mentality, after all we live very close to one another so a bit of annoyance can’t be avoided. My teenage children have their music on a little too loud when the little girls next door have to go to bed early.

STEP 5: TURN YOUR STATEMENT AROUND:
a) I should not be a nuisance to my neighbors
- My children have their music on loud and late
- I can't expect my neighbors to stay indoors on a beautiful summer morning because we want to sleep in late in weekends.
- I don’t offer my help (parental expertise on raising a ‘special’ child ) where they very obviously need it.

b) Neighbors are allowed to be a nuisance (every now and then)
- If you live so close to one another it is unavoidable that you hear the noises of eachothers children, dogs, party’s etc.

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If I have very upstream thoughts, this exercise always helps to get my feelings downstream again. Give it a try!

[Susan]

I read Byron Katie's book I need Your Love -- Is That True? 2, maybe 3 years ago. I worked with the process for a while aand found it useful but moved on to something different and forgot about it. In the last week, though, Byron Kaaie is everywhere! An acquaintance mentions The Work, just in passing. An ad pops up on google and I follow it to the website. I log in here and poof there is a group!

So, after 2 rather difficult weeks, I thought I would try "is that true" on my most difficult piece of self talk. As long as I can remember, I have expressed hate to my self, any time I am embarrassed or disappointed in my self I would think "I hate myself!" sometimes ou tloud. It cropped up a couple of times lately and tonight I tried it:
I hate my self! Is that true? Yesss..well, no. I look around at all the beautiful things I have gathered for my self-- the empty bird's nest from our yard, the rock with a shelf carved into it by years of weathering, photos of my daughters,,, all these small things that I love -- no! that is not true. The reality of my situation is that while I don't always love myself, or take the best care of my self, I don't hate myself either.

Who am I with out this belief? WOW, I can't wait to find out! It is a deeply satisfying feeling to really look at that old, old bit of story and find it false. And totally unnecessary to my life.

[Sofia Bustamante]

Hi Susan,

how wonderful that you are working on that thought. Brave you! I celebrate with you that freedom from that old and false story. Such a powerful thing to work that kind of thought... i wish you joy and ecstasy in finding your own truth.

I am always amazed at how, when i truly want to question a stressful thought, I am able to. And amazed also at how long I leave it before doing so. I was just speaking to my mentor yesterday and he reported the same. I guess things have their time.. and when we are ready... we are READYYYYYY!!! or is that a story ?! :-)

Sounds like things are happening at the right time... re-discovering The Work in your life... (when else could they happen :-) )

I assume you have seen the videos on www.thework.com They are really awesome and luckily there is a lot of material on U-tube of BK doing The Work.

love and light
Sofia

[Susan]

I adore Byron Katie, I have read Loving what is and a thousand names for joy. She is such a wonderful spritual teacher. Whenever I find myself with a negative thought I catch myself thinking, I dont have to believe this thought and how would i feel if i didnt have the ability to ever think this thought. It immediatley turns things around. I have also recognised that whatever is happening is just as it should be!!! Byron said alot of inspiring things in all her books but one saying has made such a difference to my life and by sharing it I hope it will to yours also, "Everything is happening for me and not to me". This just takes the victimisation and taking life so personally and also helps to find the positive out of every negative life situation. Although it may not be visable immediatley it is there somewhere.Its such a relief to build all these positive teachings into my life. Im thrilled to be able to join this group. Im from Ireland and feel Byron Katie is much more realised in the states than here, so its nice to talk about her work with like minded people. Thanks Sofia.
Namaste, Susan