Negitive People In Your Life?

[Sandy]

I am brand new to the Challenge. I have a question about how to handle negative people in your life, especially if they are members of your family?

[Jenna]

hahahaha. Sandy - you have no idea how I can relate to this question. Answering this question has been a HUGE part of my season one. I have/had two people in my life whom I love dearly - but are so engulfed with negativity I simply could not stand it anymore. Constant drama, games and negativity . . . . . Ick. I hate to say it but what it came down to for me is getting some space away from them and establishing some well-defined bounderies. One person I have not spoken to for over a month. And while I miss her sometimes I am SO much happier not having to deal with her anymore. And the other person - I struggled for months to establish bounteries and space and now it is starting to pay off. She doesnt come to me with her drama, she doesnt play AS MANY games and pretty much keeps to helself.

Like I said, I love both of these people so much but I decided it was better for both of us (in each relationship) to get away. By doing so, you are literally getting away from the negativity which is better for you - but also you are showing them by example that they dont have to be the way they are.

It is hard but that is the best advise I can give you. Good luck .

[Christian]

If there's a negative person anywhere in your life-a friend, a lover, a spouse, or a family member-follow the advice of Christ: "Shake off the dust from you feet and leave."

Or in simple terms
"Walk away"

[Sanya]

Oh wow, wonderful comments and tips in this thread! Thank-you!

[Robin Amy Bass]

STAY FAR AWAY...LOL....I really understand this challenge. My Thanksgiving was not what I anticipated...that's as benign a statement I can make, without bringing me right back there.

Honestly...I think it begins with you, and your decision to have a good holiday or not! And by you, I mean me! LOL US

I could go into details about My Mom, and Step Mom and dad and Real Dad, The Octo's I call them (because they are mostly 85, except Step Mom who is near my own age...Get the picture?

So...here is the deal for me...I'm sending presents to all the Octo's, but the biggest gift is the one I'm giving myself- by spending the holidays with my boyfriend and his crowd in New Jersey. It's great. I'm Jewish...he's Irish Catholic. Chanukah and Xmas come at the same time, and I celebrate any holiday that has presents LOL. Have Fun! Stay on this website, or go to Zazzle and make a Tee shirt, Avoid all Bah Humbug people, or kill them with kindness.. That's my short version...got to run...I'm off to work! Five Cats are alot to give gifts for, and I live in New York..Economic Crisis or not, I'm a
Libra and I shop.

I'm making Holiday Baskets for people. - I'm tempted to throw a few poison apples in some, or at least some lumps of coal, but if that's really the case, I just won't give a basket at all.

[Aleksandra]

Negative people in my life? Yes, my mother..........I am really sorry to say that, one one hand I owe her a lot, she raised me, fed me, gave me anything I wanted, but on the other hand.....it is sad, but she is complaining all the time, do not do this, because you will hurt yourself, be careful, this will not work out, she is bad, he is bad, they want to use you, and so on and so forth...........how can I protect myself from this negative input? I can say that the result of such an upbringing today is: I am afraid to take risks! If you do not take risks, you miss a lot of things, do not you?
Yes, I told my mum about all this, we had many discussions, I guess it is hard for her to change, this is the way she is......we are two extremes.....she sees the glass half empty, I see the glass half full..........she thinks she is right, I think I am right, when all this is just a matter of perception.......I definitely think that it is better to be an optimist!

[tat]

Negative people in my life: Oh let's see where do I begin.. Well, for starters my parents. My Dad I've nicknamed "gloom and doom" because he constantly watches the news hour and takes great pleasure it seems of broadcasting all the negative gritty bits to anyone like murders, rapes, etc. Is always miserable & grouchy & never positive about anything. Then there's my mother. Well, although of course she raised me and I love her very much, she's constantly feeling sorry for herself and has this "woe is me" attitude. I keep telling her many people are much worse off then her and if she wants to change her life she has to change her outlook and not be so negative & pessimistic all the time. Recently, she made me really mad I have to say. Ok, well I went for a run in my neighborhood park and was approached by this "shady character that asked me to go in the bushes with him". My mother was angry at me about it saying that it's a good thing I wasn't molested because then my husband would obviously leave me because what man would stay with a man that had been raped? I was so furious with her, I mean who says things like that?!!

Next, the third negative person in my life. This is a friend of mine, that I can say is a good person but unfortunately because she's had cancers her whole life and leukemia, she's become extremely needy, desperate, clingy, controlling, etc. She was in remission for a while and I was trying to see less of her because she's extremely negative to be around, dominates the conversation, too loud and never lets you get a word in. She's also extremely stressful to be around which is not good for someone like me who has stress related illness. Also, she'll ask you for advice on her love life but never follow it. She's had the audacity to ask me to call up her boyfriend and "tell him off from her". Well, when I refused she emailed him a long letter pretending to be me? I don't even know how many times she may have done that? I had a talk with her that didn't seem to "sink in" so I finally had to tell her that I've left the country for a few months. I figured desperate situations call for desperate measures.

[Arlene]

Good question! I think our self-esteem is formed when we are children and now that we are adults, we have to recognize that our own ability to judge our actions is just as valid as anyone else's. And, we can judge ourselves in a positive way without worrying about what someone else, who doesn't even know you as well as you do, has to say.