Unexpected pregnancy. What do you understand about this on a spiritual level? Please offer support

[Elaine]

Hello everyone.

Someone I know (ahem) has recently discovered that she is pregnant by a man who she is not seeing anymore because they were incompatible. He wants her to have an abortion and is being quite an ass about it but she doesn't want to do it.

She 1) just doesn't want to allow a doctor into her uterus to destroy the life in there and 2) believes that for this child to have made it around his vasectomy and her infertile time, then it must have a very strong will to live and who is she to prevent this child who has a great mission in this world. He is so much against the whole thing that she can't even talk to him anymore.

Please share any words of wisdom you might have on this subject.

[Alix Fateh Mathias]

I have no wisdom to share on this subject. All I can say is -- yes -- this child has a very strong spirit to have made it to this side with so many obstacles. Everything is perfect and your 'friend' will do exactly the perfect thing and it will be perfectly supported and she will never regret it.

[Elaine]

Thank you, Alix. I really appreciate that. I believe this is true too.

[Jumada Bint]

I do not know if I can offer wisdom. And sometimes advice is not what everyone wantes but we just get use to giving it. Love and support your friend as much as possible. What am about to say is very personal and I am not sure if it is the right things to share or say. So if not forgive me. I support her choice to keep this blessing. And from here I offer love and support. From my own experiance I would love to have my baby right now. But he was born at 5 weeks and only lived for a short time. It is very hard till this day. It was very painful to let go and even to bury him. I thought about him being afraid of the dark, maybe he will start breathing. He was born at night and I got to keep him in the room with me. I remember looking to see if him was breath or still breathing or maybe he would come back to life. Sometimes when I was holding him and crying it did look that way. He was so handsome. I remember seeing the ultrasound and it was like he was dancing around so much, I still have those photos. And after that I still thought I was pregant, many times I would touch my stomach wondering what happened. Because you miss that movement. I just think this can be a wonderful experiance even if it was unplanned. As was mine, but I was nervous and happy. Afraid but still happy. If she wants to keep what I do consider a blessing then that is it. They are not together and losing a baby can be very hard. I do not know that many women that have had an abortion, but the 3 or so I do know would take it back. I can not image that feeling. What I do know is that after the delivery and the pain, and even the lose. I WOULD DO IT AGAIN! I now know how people have more then one child. When I was in labor I was told my mom YOUR CRAZY FOR HAVING 8! yes eight. But after that even holding him, and the beauty I would do it again. It is a beautiful experiance. It has been a year since. But he is on my mind everyday. His birthday if he was born on time would be the same is my niece. So when he birthday comes I think he would be 1 years old. It is hard to see babies. Most times even pregant women. I know this is may not be the same as having a choice. But I would be so afraid to have that choice of life or death. My son was not planned. But even though he is not with me on earth I think about him everyday. Life is so beautiful. I really think if she wants the child that is it. It will be a wonderful experiance. That is my piece. Hugs and love to you and your friend Elaine. It is wonderful that you consider her and are thier doing a difficult time. If you notice it does not just affect her or him, but alot of the people in her life, his life, your life and beyond.

[Elaine]

Jumada,

Thank you for sharing your story. I shed some some tears over the sadness of your story, but in the end I am crying over the beauty of the human spirit. Whatever it is that keeps us going and looking upward, you have it in spades. Many women go through the kind of loss you describe so it is wonderful when we can open up and talk, especially when we have left a message of hope. By doing this we offer so much help to others who are dealing with similar situations.

[Elaine]

Thank you, Alix. I really appreciate that. I believe this is true too.

Jumada,

Thank you for sharing your story. I shed some some tears over the sadness of your story, but in the end I am crying over the beauty of the human spirit. Whatever it is that keeps us going and looking upward, you have it in spades. Many women go through the kind of loss you describe so it is wonderful when we can open up and talk, especially when we have left a message of hope. By doing this we offer so much help to others who are dealing with similar situations.


So girls, I feel deeply encouraged and supported by your comments to me. Blessings to you!

[Ms. GG]

HI, Elaine:

I don't have words of wisdom either. However, I do believe that your friend will find the "just right" answer for her and only her.

I've never been pregnant before, but reading Jumada's story reminded me of the babies that I lost.
I had a boyfriend; we were going to get married and have two beautiful babies: Richard and Ines. We had already named them and I would often visualize them. I also loved them already.

Then, boyfriend go sick with cancer and passed away. The day when that happened, I lost three important people in my life. There's days when I still rub my belly. I know its rather silly, because the funny thing is boyfriend and I were "waiting" until we got married. So, there was NO possibility of me getting pregnant.

Anyhow, I'm sorry for sharing this; I know it's not related to what your friend is going through. However, I do thank you for posting this question as this is the first time that I've told anyone about the babies that I lost.

Your friend will find an answer that is right for her.

Love, and hugs and blessings to you and your friend.
Nancy

[Elaine]

Thank you Ms. GG. It is amazing how powerful our minds can be in these things. When we make our visualizations so real like that, it can really enhance our lives. The nice thing is that you can continue to imagine these children, like you go to visit them on another plane of existence every once in a while. I just love to visualize the world that I desire even when it is not "realistic"- sometimes it is the more fun way to go.

Once there is that thought or idea, there is creation. And as human beings we want to keep our creations alive.

Your words of wisdom are very much appreciated.

[Tamara Hanson]

Hi Elaine,
I think your friend should follow her heart and forget about what this man is saying. He is not linked spiritually to this baby and really has no idea what your friend is feeling as she connects to the little one inside her.
My sister has been trying to have a baby for 6 years with no luck. I know she would give anything to have a baby. Fortunately, my sister and hubby were recently chosen to adopt a baby that will be born next month.
Myself...I have a son and daughter that are amazing children. My daughter was unexpected and there were a couple of days that my hubby and I considered abortion because we didn't think we could afford a second child. But I couldn't do it because I knew it would damage me on so many levels.
She is now 2 and I'm so glad we chose to have her because she is wonderful.
I also know my husband feels terrible for even considering abortion now that he sees how amazing she is.
I think things happen for a reason.... your friend's little one is on a mission.

[Elaine]

I am sorry, my response to this post might have been too long. It was still uploading when my computer shut down.

Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you on making the choice that you did because now you have that wonderful child in your life. Now your life is richer and so is your husband and sons.

I also have two sons, and I just can't imagine life without them. The are the most important part of my life and the neither of them were planned...

Now I must get back to work but you ladies have all been so wonderful/ Thank you!

[Emha]

Hi Elaine, what a dilemma for your (ahem) friend.
My thoughts are that she should make her own decission but leave the father out of the picture if he has such strong feelings against it. She should not ask him to acknowledge the child as his and not ask him for financial support. It would be another matter is the baby was conceived after not taking the propper precautions, He had a vasectomy so he did take care of things, pardon my expression :-)

If she believes the baby is conceived for a special purpose in life, than I believe she and the baby wil be spiritually guided and taken care of.

Yesterday I saw a Dr. Phil show on making difficult decisions that (may) change your life. There was a minister that wrote a book about a 5 step process in decissionmaking. The book is called: Before you do.
http://www.amazon.com/Before-You-Do-Making-Decisions/dp/1416547282/...
Maybe that would be a good book to read for your friend.

[Elaine]

Thank you Emma. I will look for that book, thank you for the recommendation.

Yes, I agree that the biological father should be left out of the picture concerning custody and child support. Believe me the support one receives in these cases is so small that it is simply not worth the hassle.

However, at this point the father has been asked to sign a release from parental rights and obligations document and has refused. He says he doesn't want some child of his out there running around, so he refuses to sign. He only insists that the mother is being selfish by not aborting.

I know that situation can not and will not remain the same, but I am still waiting for a resolution.

[Jumada Bint]

Being a mother I think is very unselfish act. Even that choice of abortion can be unselfish. It is such a personal life choice. If he does not sign then she can just move on the best way possible. I do believe that during this next months of pregancy she will have alot of strength. I really do not know how my mother did it, it was really amazing proof of love.