I need more friends, I'm so lonely and my heart hurts...Please help!

[Augusta]

So, I've been watching parts of this and I started thinking about friends and loneliness...How does friendships work? What makes a good friend? When do you "break up" with a friend? And how? I feel I have so many people I know, but not many I would share the things I do on this site...As a matter of fact, none of them know that I'm even on here...Or even know about this site...I don't feel like telling about it, in a way I feel they wouldn't understand...I'm going to start working on this, I just need to open my heart today and tell about how lonely I feel. It hurts in my stomach and my heart bleeds...Am I always gonna feel this way? I know I have "made my own bed", by being overly independent. Never wanted to receive help or whatever...My mentor says it's understandable from the way I was raised with a psychologically ill mother and a father/step-father with no backbone. I've been seen as the strongest, toughest and funniest girl when I'm about and about. I've been good at sports and in school. I'm a tall blonde and I've got interest for clothes and makeup- so I guess that what people perceive me as- is nothing like what the hell I've been having on my inside.

Even today, I'm very catious on facebook, but yesterday I tagged one of my friends in an old nice picture of us hugging. A few moments later, I saw that she had removed her tag...It felt like a stab for me...Ok, maybee she didn't like the picture, but couldn't she at least have said something about it? I just feel that this is her way of saying that I'm not good enough for her...That there is no room for me in her life...What could I do about this? Ask her? I just would feel so needy and so clingy, and that's not what I want to be....Why am I so vulnerable about such a small thing?

I want friends, real true supporting friends. How do I do that? I need all the help I can get, and would highly appreciate your views on this, and if you could suggest some exercises for me...

So many people are longing for a lover/partner...I jsu want some real friends...

Thank you for listening. Love

[Ricky]

Hi I wanted to check and see how you are doing?

[Augusta]

Hi Ricky! Thank you for asking and caring! I've taken all the advice I have gotten and used it, and I actually feel a lot better. I have been visualizing good friends and I've have been candid and open when talking to people I'd like to have in my life. I have a bit of a way to go still, but it's only been a week of this- and I just feel more happy and hopeful. And more sure of what kind of friends I want in my life. Your responses made a huge impact and I'm forever grateful. Thank you and much LOVE!!!

[Mary]

Hi there,
After reading your post, I felt as though I was reading my own words. I feel the same way as you do. I've always entertained a lot, parties, cookouts, holidays, etc. and people seem happy to attend and they seem to enjoy my company. But I never get any invitations; I only seem to extend them. It's hurt my feelings so much that I find myself crying a lot. I've been divorced for 13 years and I'm at an age now where I'm probably off the radar screen. So I've given up on finding a mate. It would be nice, though, to have some friends to do things with once in a while. I called 4 people today to see if any one of them would be available to see a movie on Sunday. No. They all have plans w/husbands or boyfriends. They don't stop to think that maybe it would be nice to extend an invitation to someone who lives alone and has to do everything herself. But if I was to call and say that I'm cooking dinner for everyone next week, I'm sure that most if not all would attend. I'm not that young any more and I feel that I'm missing out on what should be the best part of my life. My son lives clear across the country and he calls me a lot but it doesn't fill the void of actually sharing some time w/someone. Like you, I want some real friends, too. I'm so sad and so very, very lonely.

[Augusta]

I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm so glad you are honest and sharing your feelings. I got a lot of help from the previous answers here...And knowing that it ultimately starts with me...That I'm the one who has to change my outlook and how I go about things...I'm sure you can find some answers here as well.

You deserve to have friends who give you just as much as you give them. You sound like a wonderful person and I'd love to be your friend!

It will be better!

Much LOVE

[Jason]

"I've been divorced for 13 years and I'm at an age now where I'm probably off the radar screen."

Mary, I knew a couple 12 years ago. They were in their 70's. One day the wife died unexpectedly. Within 6 months to a year the 70 something year old (late 70's I'm guessing) man remarried. Never too old to fall off the radar screen. There could be a guy who's the same age as you (or older or younger, however you like them), who's compatible with you, and might be feeling the same way you do right now. Acknowledge that possibility at least.

Never too broke to fall of the radar screen either. I once attracted a beautiful girlfriend into my life when I had no job or a car. By my standards back then, she was way more successful than me. She was supporting me for a while and driving me around. (Of course when I got the job and the car, she wanted to dump me so I went ahead and ended it.)

And never too ugly either. I've seen some of the "ugliest" (it's a matter of opinion I guess) people attract the most beautiful mates which used to leave me dumbfounded until I realized inner beauty creates outer beauty. Or maybe it was just those two people were in a vibrational match with each other.

I thought I'd share these stories with you to let you know these things are in fact possible.

[Augusta]

Thank you so much! For the kind words and the request ( who is of course accepted)!
LOVE and gratefulnes

[Alyssa]

Hey Augusta -

i feel ya!

you may find some inspiration from cary tennis, a columnist for salon.com. It is called "Since You Asked". Even if Salon isn't your thing in general, I find that Cary has an amazing perspective that really takes these kind of interpersonal issues out of the mundane social etiquette arena and into the "take a long hard look at the bull**** you're feeding yourself." arena. And that bigger picture is often what we need to look at.

We all do it, and it is the battle you and I are winning every day when we choose joy, choose courage, choose peace, choose optimism in the face of disappointment.

As I've said elsewhere, I struggle with mild but pervasive depression and anxiety and this is one of my challenges too. You are not alone, clearly.

Another suggestion is check out www.meetup.com. I don't know where you live, but if you're in an area where there are active people, I found it to be a GREAT tool for meeting likeminded people. You could meet other writers, or kite enthusiasts, or Hitchcock movie lovers or flamenco dancers or whatever you're into. From there, natural friendshiops can form and then it can become that kind of reciprocal friendsihp you desire.

Best wishes!
Alyssa

[Alyssa]

oh, i just saw on your profile that you are in norway. i doubt they have meetup.com in norway. but maybe they have something similar? you could still check it out anyway.

classes, clubs, sports teams, volunteering - all of these are good ways to meet like minded people for whom you do not need to cook and entertain in order to be friends with them! :)

[Haley MacIntyre]

thanks for this post.... It has opened my eyes up to my own situation! I too would like to have some close friends.... I read the replys and i'm also going to set an intention to attract wicked best friends into my life!!! good luck... can't wait to hear about all your happiness!!!!

[Jason]

I moved to Alabama a while ago. As of now I have zero friends other than my family who lives 2 minutes away from me. It's a small town and I don't really "fit in."

But one thing I've learned is I can have fun being alone! I'm having fun right now in fact. :) I think that's one thing you have to do to raise your vibration. Enjoy your own company so others will enjoy yours. If you can enjoy yourself you can enjoy yourself around others. When you come home from work what would be fun for you to do? How could you enjoy your own company?

For me one night a week I buy a six pack of beer or a bottle of wine. (I get a little 'happy' but don't get trashed and I suggest not drinking daily or excessively if you want to be successful in area of your life especially when working with LOA or anything that requires focus.) Then I order some pizza, watch music videos on YouTube really loud, and play some guitar. Maybe I'll rent a movie. During the week I do little things like read books, hang out at the Barnes and Noble that's an hour away. I try to meditate before bed. What is something you can do that will excite you and make you enjoy your own company? Little things can raise your vibration.

10 years ago I went through a phase (when I lived here before) where I had no friends and it would bring me down. Anyway, I haven't really thought about having no friends until now... So as I've been typing I've been brainstorming a couple of things. I hope these things help you as well as me.

In the book "Positive Imaging" by Norman Vincent Peal he talks about how his magazine Guidepost wasn't selling like he wanted to so a lady told him something like,"Look out there! Visualize! See a certain amount of people out there subscribing!" Then she said a prayer that thanked God in advanced.

So, what we could do is we look outside our windows and say,"There are people in this town who are positive, share many of the same interests I do, I get along with, and who want to be and will be my true friends! Thank you Universe for providing these true marvelous friends into my life!" Do that once in the morning and once before bed. Feel the feelings and visualize all that to be true! Then you let it go.

Here's technique I discovered on my own recently. Notice your self talk when you start off any sentence with the word "why." (Or any word that starts off as a question for that matter.) When you're frustrated, instead of saying (affirming) to yourself "Why does this bad stuff happen to me? Why can't I make friends? Why me?" You say (affirm) to yourself, "Why am I blessed to have so many wonderful friends? Why am I so lucky? How did this great stuff happen to me?" In fact, I suggest affirming those things or similar things right away.

When you ask yourself a question, your brain tries to come up with an answer for the question you ask. Even if the question is not true (at the moment) your brain will try to find reasons to back up that question. I just asked myself, "Why am I a millionaire?" I got answers like "Because you manifested it! You wrote a book!" Really? I wrote a book? (I haven't written a word but okay.)

And we all know how powerful our brains are at attracting our realities too. You ask yourself a question and your brain looks for answers. It might give you some answers at first like, "Because you were successful with manifesting it." But then your brain will have to "move mountains" for it to answer you the way you want it to. It works the same way as an affirmation but is kind of different at the same time. You replace self talk with more positive self talk. (This idea was influenced by the book "Awaken The Giant Within" by Tony Robbins, chapter 8.)

Another one I discovered recently through meditation. (I'm not an expert on meditation though but I can see the value in this technique.) This one is so new but I can sense already that it will work. Before bed instead of thinking about your normal plans for your day tomorrow, you say to yourself (and visualize) things like,"Tomorrow is going to be a busy, fun filled, exciting day! I have to go deposit my five checks I received in the mail that all add up to $250, 782. Then I have to meet my wonderful friends for lunch! After lunch I'm going to shop around and look at brand new cars. I wonder if I should buy the black Corvette or the red Porche?"

Even if that isn't your day tomorrow. Because a lot of us do tend to focus on what the next day will be like anyway. We expect it and keep ourselves focused on thoughts that keep bringing our current reality. So why not focus on what you want your days to be like instead! This is a great technique that really helps me focus on what I want. It feels so real too.

Those last two techniques are new to me but I can see and feel the value behind them.
I really do hope this post helps in some way.

[Jason]

Also, visualize and feel myself as friend worthy. I think that's an important one. What characteristics does a friend worthy person have? That's something I'll think about.

[Aleksandra]

Maybe they can feel that you want friends so much. The best thing is to focus on yourself, to develop yourself and have a lot of fascinating hobbies and your friends will show up in a natural way.
Cheers and good luck!