hey! in the search of a regular supportive eye community to build my confidence in close friendships & community*ways of letting go of fear of commitment and variability! gaining trust in my talents*

[Maya Bloom]

hi u lovely likeminded out there.i am pretty new here and haven t started my 100 days yet.but will soon.it is blossoming spring in berlin and i am kiss by the muse full of ideas,love and inspiration! though i feel like a huge river that is blocked! it is frustrating...and sharing this with u people is a step cause i djudge and even unconsiously punish myself for it.so i have various talents and every day sparkling ideas that a part in me knows they will be successfull though these following obstacles are in the way.i guess i is a cool idea to direct my 100days towards desolving these obstacles.one is the feeling of lonelyness,without loving helping hands....right now i feel this might be prior...connecting and creating a close likemind friend community in flesh and blood.ie. like moving into a holistic artist community.i live alone,i work alone, i am not in a relationship, my family lives in a different country.i think it is normal,that i feel unmotivated and in the urge of permant warmth and exchange.i have just recently unfolded my trust and wants to be in a loving and juicy female friendship.though it is so new,that my conditioned part are still strong.as soon as i meet people in berlin live,that i find beautiful, cool, interesting,deep and loving and i would like to build a friendship or workingcooperation...there is my conditioned mind,system that comes up with i am of no interest for them on a long term, i don t deserve it or another experience is if the other person is also open and interested and we spend great loving and creative time together.than comes a great fear that they will abundan me or let s say
that it is a short term thing and that they are not interested to COMMIT on a long term to my person and ideas. mostly it than happens like that.i truely am open to see and receive the ubandance of close friendships and workingcompanions!
my dear co-creator.i am so glad to have a sacred room to share these things that matter to my soul and heart. and to give them space and value and to have the trust and greatfullness that there will be people taking time to listen and supporting and inspiring me with there experience, wisdom and creativity.here a headline list of things that i would be greatfull for feedbacks and ideas.hoping that my concerns and this discussions topics also helps a bung of other people:-)

*well one thing that comes up in situaitons that touch me and than i am a bit in a freeze is the "
i don t know ",consciousness of lack and insecurity!

*not truely accepting & appreciating my talents,eventhough i have experience success on a great scale,though for a very short period.I would love to continue continuesly and with a holistic success.
any ideas folks:-) ?
*also when i have an idea which my intuition and experience clearly tells me it is good and has great potential to work out ( unique ,make me happy, with loving people and great money, the more things this work would succesfully integrate, the more i come into a variability,fear of commiting and stating anxiety!
any ideas folks:-)?
recently i have had the idea of affirmations like: constantly doing great creative work, working for and with people that totaly inspire me and that i love, being beautiful, slim and sporty, making good regular money and having time to travel and chill is all one-it belongs together and comes in one package! i guess this could work? what ya think?

ahh..and talking about variability if i do not change/disconnect myself from my ideas,workflow....success.i project this sabbotage on my name i become extremly variable and am confinced i need to change my name in order to attract good energy and be in permanent creative working flow.
*therefor not really sacrificing towards any independant creative work longterm!

*a soon as a creative flow arrives in a perfect moment to be manifested i am confronted with achievement pressure blocks!
basiclly my artist blocks is commitment,so an idea is holistic,good and flows and i find that if i stick to it succesfully longterm,i will have to give up my beloved,or loose money,or live in a terrible place or am unhappy and unhealthy,will be punished having terrible emotional responsability for others,also in the moment i want to commit i think than i am prisoned with this media and people for the rest of my live and will never ever be able to do anything else. i compare a lot and think right or wrong. my conditioned system things i have to move place, or have to change media or my name.yes, if life makes things so flowing and clear and beautiful.my last trigger is my name,i havent found my true artist name yet.so if i don t feel right with my name it doesn t matter where or what i do if i don t know my name :.) that pretty much sums it up!
I am so excited to do the 100 days and am confinced that this letter /obstacles i have just wrote will be to 80% deblocked and i will be a rich,beautiful and sparkling river constantly creatively flowing....being,creating and accepting the package of all belongs together !!

hey thanks for sharing and please let me know u love me by send me your ideas.
juicy love from berlin* J*

[Monica Linn]

Hey WILDe HILDe, when it comes to relationships I have reacted exactly the same way as you describe.
"if the other person is also open and interested and we spend great loving and creative time together.than comes a great fear that they will abundan me or let s say that it is a short term thing and that they are not interested to COMMIT on a long term"
I had the same reaction to a great connection with a wonderful man. He truly loved me and though we had obstacles there was no reason to think we wouldn't live happily together long term. But though I was happy, I compared our relationship to a past unhealthy relationship and obsessed over why it couldn't work and so it didn't. I know now that my intention towards what I pay attention to creates my reality, good and bad. Next time either of us are in a situation thinking, "this has been a great and loving time together" end the thought there!! Don't continue with, thoughts of abandonment or doubt. Appreciate the moment you are in, enjoy the now and don't worry about tomorrow. Soo difficult at the start, but with practice we can believe that anything is possible and YES of course we deserve to!!! Good luck:) - M