How can I be happy if I see suffer around me?

[Elisa]

I've felt a little depressed these days, in spite all my family visited us. I said that because everytime I go out to walk around the city, I see many people asking for money or food. I can see too much suffering. I wonder if they've even known or heard about "The Secret" . I know we attract in what we put our attention but what about these people, Do they really attract what they have if they don't even know about it?

[Chris]

Hi Elisa,
yes, this definately is a BIG question... A couple of the ways that I work with this question for myself is to distinquish between sympathy and empathy:
sympathy: agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another. "I feel that way, too" vs. Empathy: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

this is the difference in "dialectical behavioral therapy" between being in "emotional mind" vs. "wise mind".
When we are in emotional mind, we do not have the perspective to be able to identify with others in ways that will assist them because we are swimming in our own emotions.
When we are in wise mind, we can identify with others, in meaningful ways, but stay removed enough so that we maintain our own boundaries, and can make decisions as to what to do with our feelings, and thoughts.

I think that how this relates is that, when I acknowledge my empathy for others, I can choose what I want to do about it..do I want to give money to the homeless man on the corner, do I want to say a silent prayer, do I want to research the available shelters, resources in my community and volunteer, or make a donation...etc...or may be what is best is to allow myself time to grieve, express my feelings through journaling, art, dance, do some meditation, and allow myself to heal from the losses in my own life, so I can be well, and can positively impact my world.

I know this is so hard, and i have just come up from a recent few years of several consecutive personal losses. I would be lying if I didn't admit that the events rocked my faith. When I was in the grief (emotional mind), if someone told me (and believe many people did) that "Everything happens for a reason", I would have seriously considered becoming aggressive toward them! (I never acted on this! ). This thought is not helpful for someone who is grieving.

I really resonated with the abraham quote that isobel provided, " you can't be sick enough, etc..."
I don't know why bad things happen, I do know that I have a responsibility to become as awake, conscious in my own life, so that I can better live in wise mind, and make positive choices for myself and to impact others in positive ways. I also have some perspective now, and do have a personal understanding of why some of the events of the past several years have occurred. Somedays I don't like this, and I have sad feelings about it, but mostly I am grateful for my deeper sense of compassion, and empathy for self and others, for the renewed strength, wisdom, and resiliency that my personal losses have provided for me.

thanks everyone for sharing.
Chris

[Dale]

I don't know that my opinion will help or not. But, here it is. We're all on our own journeys. You can only deal with what's in front of you. It might be chance or it might be choice that I was born where I was born, to the parents I was born to, in the circumstances I was born in. We all have our own crosses to bear, whether they are self inflected or not. We're on our own journeys. I can't walk your journey for you and you can't walk my journey for me.

Shane, I'm very sorry to hear about your family. That's awful. Losing somebody is hard enough, without the added situation to make it worse. I'm very sorry about this. I wish you strength and hope.

[Tabitha]

Elisa,
Maybe part of your Life Purpose is to share The Secret with these people.....? Have you tried? In fact, don't try, JUST DO IT if you can see the need. I believe that EVERYBODY attracts EVERYTHING into their lives, it's just that our egos have a hard time accepting this, because it is pretty convenient to live in victim mode and blame others for our misfortunes. That is the lazy way out, to give our personal power away to others and to sit around watching TV, playing computer games, filing law suits or begging money on the street, and just generally filling our lives with inane activities that don't really bring us long-lasting fulfillment! As to the BIG bad stuff (rape, murder, suicide etc) it is not up to us to attempt to understand the personal journeys of others! Just focus on yourself and your own journey and you will begin to understand the relationships of those around you to the world at large. If you don't, that's ok, because YOUR life is the only one you are responsible for! As Ghandi said, "BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD." That means, stop stop getting your knickers in a knot about the suffering of others and BECOME what you want for them (chances are, that will be what you want for yourself, which is why you want it for them too.....)

Wow! I really needed to hear those words myself ;-) Thanks Elisa!

[Isobel]

Shane,

When you're ready to hear .. and it may be some time, so be easy on yourself .. there is a wonderful interaction that Abraham has with a man whose sister has been murdered. It's on the CD of the San Rafael workshop in February 2008.

One of the most comforting parts of Abraham's teachings is that "there is not death". We are eternal beings and when we leave physical focus, we immediately become pure positive energy. Our culture thinks of death as a tragedy and it does feel like that at first for those who remain here ... but from your sister's perspective, she has simply focused elsewhere and she is no longer experiencing any of the contrast she felt in the physical.

If you go to the abraham-hicks website, you can use the Search feature to read sections of past Journals that relate to death. There are so many of them, I couldn't pick one for you - but you will know instinctively which ones will speak to you where you are now.

[DonnaOnTheBeach]

Wow. Elisa, Aleta is right - you started a wonderful discussion here!

Here's my take on the suffering we see:
It is not my job to end all suffering for everyone else. In fact, I cannot, and trying to would drive me insane!
It IS my job to feel good.
If I feel good, if I am healthy, if I am financially stable, if I am confident and happy, I can really help these people who are suffering without suffering with them.

I am hugely inspired by people who are able to give generously of their time, energy and resources - this doesn't mean we all have to be Mother Theresa, just that we can do what makes us feel good. Elisa what would make you feel good?

Shane, sweetheart, my heart goes out to you. As well as Abraham Hicks thoughts on death, check out Byron Katie's videos on death at www.byronkatie.com.

Love

Donna.x

[Shirah Penn]

Fellow co creators, What wonderful suggestions for Shane. Whenever I see suffering or an accident I call forward the Light to surround fill and protect the situation. That helps me to feel less helpless and powerless. Love Gramma Shirah

[Elisa]

Hi my dear cocreators:

I just want to say I am very grateful with all your responses. I am in tears because I know we are all connected and we have most in common that I had ever thought. I had been very concerned about what to do or how I can help others. I Know I have to help myself first and then I can help others. I have to stop feeling guilty. This is the beginning of a new way of thinking.
Thanks again and I love you all.

God bless you!

[Christine]

First chance I've had of getting around to answering in this discussion~ and quite a worthy one it's turned out to be, yes?

I know if I were in someone like Shane's position (and I have thought of this before), it would hurt a lot to have someone insist that 'I' was to blame for the pain given me.
I think it would be great if instead of saying that, we focused on bringing grace, and said to a sufferer, "let me help you envision something comforting".

For myself, I do tonglen when I see suffering~ that's a method of breathing in, and breathing in the suffering of others, then breathing out, and breathing out love towards others.

I also try to picture a cloud of love and comfort falling on the sufferer like a veil. ~
(That's what I do right now, for Shane~ I hope you feel a little bit better, Shane. I know the benefit of indescribable grace coming, during a tragic time, and that's what I envision for you!)

Then, I have faith that my efforts will help, somehow,
and I have faith that the world will be better because of my effort...
and then, I stop thinking it over so much, and try to get back to positive thoughts, because dwelling on it after I've done what I can about it will help nothing~ it will merely feed my pain body!

[Elisa]

What a beautiful response. May Shane feel all your love an positive thoughts.
God Bless you!

[Elaine]

For myself this time I am answering this question.

I will be happy and joyous despite the sufferings of the people around me. Not because I don't care, but because I do and I am obligated to uplift and spread joy because that is what will bring ultimate happiness to others anyway. That- the suffering- is the darkness, we must outshine the darkness!